I don’t mean to be redundant. What I’m saying isn’t new. It isn’t a grand revelation, and I’m not the first to speak these words. In fact, I’m not even the hundredth. But, social media and all that comes with it, has weighed heavily on me, as I’m sure it has you.
I came into the world of social media to inspire.
In the process of dedicating myself to the rainbow colored icon on my screen, I’ve lost bits and pieces of who I am.
I have been too curated, too filtered, too placed, cut, and cautious. I have wept, fallen into fear, succumbed to comparison and self loathing.
Maybe it’s this idea of branding - this idea that I need to stick to one thing, one craft, one style, one way of presenting myself, one description, one identity, one name.
Maybe it’s the demon of comparison - the heavy weighted brooding, soul sucking habit I sink into.
Or maybe it’s the perpetual, addictive scrolling - information, media, and “beautiful content” causing me to feel insufficient and worthless, ultimately leading me to obsess over being the best of the best, in a sea of 7 million squares.
I am here to tell you that my life is not always beautiful, exciting, or spectacular. My images are not accurate representations of my every day being, or my rippling waves of emotion.
This all consuming, two dimensional life of mine has been diminishing, exhausting, and depressing. I have left little to no room for growth in other avenues of my life. Avenues that hold my deepest places of joy and connection, exploration, spontaneity, broken boundaries, truth, existence, and growth as a woman.
In the face of social media, I tug and pull with what’s right, what feels good, and what I want. I feel ashamed for feeling, yet I say I appreciate authenticity. I do not dare reveal my darkest moments, yet I believe everyone else has it better, because their pictures are more beautiful than mine.
Rather than focusing on my purpose, my passion for sharing what I’ve created, or the purity in my self expression, I focus on what my audience may like, what would get the best results in the shortest amount of time, and whether or not I look better than the profile next to me. I question myself and stifle my creativity. I believe in this one way of seeing, presenting, and being, and I make the conscious choice to do just that.